Until I moved to Toulon, I had never given rugby union a thought. League was my one and only game. To tell the truth, I’d had the attitude that union was a softer game, while league was for real hard men. But I discovered otherwise. Like with every sport I’ve been involved in, I see it as a challenge first and foremost.
I ended my time with Toulon on a high. We were in the European Cup grand final and I scored and the crowd went crazy. It was such a buzz, and being in a much better state of mind in life generally made it all the more enjoyable. I remember getting the ball about thirty metres out, banging off my left foot, right foot, going straight through and scoring the try.
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I threw the ball into the crowd for joy. Tana [Umaga] was on the bench, and he was jumping up and down. I ran over and gave him a hug and all the bench boys came and hugged me.
Even though we lost that last match against Cardiff, it was the same feeling that I would have for the Chiefs in the 2012 Super Rugby final. In that game, I’d score the try that would seal the win, and then jump up into the stand with the fans as my way of saying thanks for your loyal support, my way of conveying, We won this for you.
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That was my last game for Toulon. After that, I headed home to see if I could make the All Blacks. Back in New Zealand, Johnny and I visited Mum and our sisters and spent some time with them, then it was off to Christchurch.
My first match there was for a local club, Belfast, where I met Bill Bush, the legendary Māori prop and All Blacks enforcer. He was so welcoming to me. My presence drew a massive crowd for a club match; I think around 4000 people. Stats show I made thirteen offloads, twenty-one carries and scored a try in my fifty-minute appearance. It was nice to be back among ordinary folk, where I feel most comfortable.
I played five National Provincial Championship (NPC) games for Canterbury, then was selected for the All Blacks. That was huge. I might not have been a loudly nationalistic type of guy, but that did not mean I valued the jersey any less. I saw it as a question of playing with the best.
The All Blacks are the best sporting team in the history of all team sports. So, you have to represent with mana, play at your highest level, because of the All Blacks’ history. If you’re playing with the All Blacks, you can say you’re among the best in your position in the world. I knew All Blacks status meant a lot for my family, but for me, it meant I was one of the best. So there was big pressure in that sense, but I took great pride in stepping up to that.
They have this saying in the All Blacks: ‘You are just a caretaker. Leave the jersey better than you found it.’ That is a really humbling way to play. You are forging a path for those to come and honouring all those in whose footsteps you are following. As I played with no sense of self-preservation, I knew it wasn’t hard for me to leave everything out on the field. Even if I started on the bench, when I came on, I gave it my all.
I realise that seeing me go from the NPC to the All Blacks must have been a bit strange for my All Blacks teammates. I came with a massive reputation as the party boy who was all about money, someone who did not honour his contracts, was a code- and club-hopper, that sort of thing. I felt I had to remove that stigma, and the best way to do that was play well.
But I also could have an attitude of, If I’ve shown you that I can play rugby at a high level and been vulnerable enough to reach out to you, yet you still put that stigma on me, then my levels of respect for you would evaporate. I’ve had that mentality since I was a youngster. Maybe it’s just self-protection. What I did know was I had come prepared through rigorous training, and from not touching alcohol or putting any other toxic substance in my body.
I’ve still got that training mindset. Just this year, I wasn’t satisfied with my boxing sparring. I didn’t get dusted up, yet that’s what my mind told me. Three o’clock the next morning, I’m wide awake thinking about that ‘failure’. By four, I was back in the gym training. That day I did three sessions.
I had that mindset going into the All Blacks. I remember that first game, at Twickenham against England, running out there and standing in a huddle and looking up to see Jerome Kaino watching me, smiling and nodding. He’s smiling at me, like saying, You’re here, bro. I’m right here with you. I was getting mad energy from him seeming pleased that I was there, and it was just as mad a vibe for me being there with him.
I was inspired by my teammates. Look to one side and there’s Ma’a Nonu. Over there, Joe Rokocoko, the flying Fijian-born winger. The steady hand of Keven Mealamu. It was such a proud moment because I was remembering how determined I’d been to take up the challenge to make the All Blacks. And suddenly there I was; it was happening for real. On the way to Britain, I’d watched the All Blacks game against the Wallabies in Hong Kong. It was the first time I’d ever seen them play live. The year before, when I was in Toulon, a bunch of us players went to watch them play France in Marseilles. But when we got there, one of the guys had forgotten the tickets! He’d brought a power bill instead of the tickets Tana had got for us. So we stood outside the stadium and listened to the haka, then drove home.
Now, here I was, with not even one Super game behind me, and I was one of them: an All Black. It was a great achievement.
The game went well. I did a few offloads, did my defensive job. Then I hit half a hole and go down real late, look up and there’s big Jerome right there to give a mad offload to and he draws an England defender and then passes to Hosea Gear, who scores in the corner. JK runs up and gives me a big hug and I’m so pumped because I belong.
After the game, Ma’a Nonu gave me a tie as a debut player. To think, only two years before I had walked away from rugby league and made the switch to union. Now I was back in Europe, and I’d just had my debut for the All Blacks. It was a special time because I had achieved a goal I had set myself.
I loved the All Blacks’ environment, playing with the very best, hearing their thoughts on the game, each of us free to let our voice be heard. Because of my Islamic faith, I am not comfortable supporting alcohol, gambling or bank-based businesses. They are part of my no-go zone when it comes to wearing a sponsor’s logo, and the All Blacks totally respected my position.
In the team structure, there are always individuals who stand out for different reasons. Extroverts, funny guys, musical talents, serious dudes, quiet men, loud fellas. I used to love being alone sometimes, just by myself, happy in my own company. But I also enjoyed chilling with the boys and, I have to say, us brown boys naturally gravitate towards each other. It’s just how it is with us Islanders and Māori.
This is an edited extract from You Can’t Stop the Sun from Shining by Sonny Bill Williams with Alan Duff to be published by Hachette Australia on 13 October 2021
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